A week went by, and we didn't see each other. Sure, we texted and maybe even talked on the phone sometimes and every time I heard her voice my heart leaped like a gazelle, but we didn't see each other. Face to face. It was different, a change in my entire life routine. It was strange. I mean, she'd just been in my life for maybe 2/3 months, and already we'd made a pattern. To not go on walks, late at night, every night, with her, was weird. But I knew that if I was going to get over her, then I couldn't see her, I just couldn't. Still, I wouldn't get over her if we had contact, but I couldn't let her go. A's girlfriend, C, she lived in another city, far away from here, and I lived ten minutes from A, and therefore I thought that maybe I had chance. Still.

Then it was friday and I decided that I needed to go out.Fill the empty hole in my heart with alcohol. A found out about it, and she said: "Is it really a good idea to drown your sorrows with alcohol? Does that really help?" I remember hating her in that moment. She was the one who did this to me, so she was the one to blame. And why did she care? So I went out, without listening to her. At first, my friends were happy that I wanted to go out and do something, but then they understood why I'd agreed to go out. They saw the liqour, they saw me, and they saw how I let people (mostly guys) come closer. I let them use me, sure no sex, but still use me. I flirted and I drank. And then I flirted some more. And drank some more. And then my friends decided that it was time for me to go home. My best friend and I shared a cab, and during the ride home I cried in her arms, screaming in agony: "WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT ME?" And she just patted my back and held me tight, not saying anything at all, 'cause truth be told, she knew why. A didn't want me 'cause she didn't love me, even though she had said so.